Baby Olympics

There is really only one reason why i’d avoid hanging out with other moms, and that is the awful game of baby comparing… or ‘one-upping.’
(my friend wrote a blog on this a while back, I thought i’d expand.. plus it’s urking my nerves as I write this so it’s fresh in my mind!)

Whenever you get a group of moms together, regardless of the child’s age.. there will always be at least one mom who feels the need to compare her child to yours. And not only compare- but brag and exaggerate about their child’s abilities while making you feel like your kid is a useless lump of flesh drooling in the corner. And whether you buy into any of it, it’s bound to get under your skin.

I’d like to believe that mothers who choose to compete in the “Baby Olympics” aren’t doing it with malicious intent.. but some women just go above and beyond and get totally ridiculous about it, as though they’re trying to make you feel as though your child just isn’t as smart or talented as theirs. It’s possible they’re just trying to compensate because their child just isn’t all that special.. or they were the dumb kid in school, but it’s most likely just to get attention.

Here are some examples:

  • You’re trying to potty train your child? How old? Oh, 14 months? Well, my kid was potty trained by 6 months!
  • Awww your baby is walking! My one year old competed in a triathlon and won second place!
  • Has your child said his first word yet? By 6 months my baby could recite the periodic table of elements!
  • Is your baby crawling yet? No? Well, my baby is doing cartwheels all over the house!

Of course, all of those are exaggerations.. and if anyone said anything remotely similar to any of those to me i’d have to laugh in their face- but even the tiny little baby boasting urks me. Yes, it’s normal and great to be proud of your child’s accomplishments- sometimes bragging is even ok.. but when you try to shit all over the ‘lesser’ accomplishments of another child is where the line between ‘normal mommy’ and ‘evil twat mommy’ gets crossed.

I’ve said it before and i’ll say it again- all babies progress at different rates. Even reading what milestones your child ‘should’ be reaching at a certain age will drive you bananas because they may not necessarily do things when websites say they should. It’s good to keep track, it’s bad to go crazy over what someone else’s child is doing compared to yours (I would know, i’ve done it, and have to supress the urge constantly). I’ve gotten to the point where I avoid baby comparing at all costs because it’s just so freaking irritating. I will not be e-flexing about Holden in the Baby Olympics against other whacked out mommies any time soon.

You wanna claim your 13 month old is cutting their own steak with a knife and carefully sipping water from a wine glass, all after a long day performing surgery in the OR? Go for it, but all you’re getting from me is an eye-roll, not a pat on the back.

Posted on November 18, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 4 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • Baby comparing is pretty lame. We were just talking about this the other day when sitting in the living room. We were talking about how Holden was crawling before sitting up on his own, walking before standing alone. It is true that all baby’s will progress at their own stages.

    Just like some babies never say a word (not Holden), and some babies will talk alllllllllllll day long (Holden).

  • I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Malcolm in the Middle on Fox… But there was an episode where Hal and his baby Jaime actually competed in “baby Olympics”… It was really just him and his buddies making bets on who could sit up longer or who could weigh in with the heaviest soiled diaper.
    It was so silly :p

  • Haha no I never saw that one but I can definitely picture it.

    The day someone tries to compete with me about how their kid can take a bigger crap than mine is the day someone’s hair will get torn out!

  • I agree Baby comparing is crappy and annoying, however, at times you do wanna be able to talk about what your bubby is doing at this point in time – because u are excited – not because u are trying to brag – and have someone else share that with you. Whether it be a milestone that has been reached early, or whether it is one that most others already do, the thing about it that is great is just that YOUR baby is doing something new !!! Yay. So, whilst i sorta agree with you, i also think that not all people are bragging or one upping when they discuss their babys “new tricks” KWIM?? xx love Bec