Why I hate onesies

I understand why onesies are so popular- they make it so your kid doesn’t have to wear pants.. and who wants to wear pants all the time anyways?
it’s perfectly acceptable for warm weather, but once cold weather hits, and you’re layering all kinds of things over onesies (shirts, pants), they start to turn into kryptonite.

Why you may ask?

Think of it this way…

You’re trying to get your kid changed quickly because they pissed through their clothes (as babies often do), but because they’re wearing a onesie… you’re late.
You have to remove pants, unsnap onesie, pull onesie off, put new diaper on, put new onesie on, snap up new onesie, put pants back on.
To shorten: pain in the ass.

If baby was just wearing a t-shirt, the most damage they’d do (hopefully.. depending on how much your kid pisses) is peeing through their pants. So just remove pants, change diaper, put new pants on- DONE!

Then comes the gravity-defying baby-poop blowout. We’ve all been there.
For some reason or another, your kid lets loose the A-bomb of poop– diarrhea (or for Holden, just incredibly loose, dark green magma-like crap). You don’t realize it’s happened until you go to pick your (now) fussy baby up and realize your hand is incredibly warm. Pull it away, and it’s covered in soggy death-poop. Turn baby around- and it’s ALL the way up their back, down their legs… everywhere. This is where you try to hold back the dry-heave but fail miserably.

Pulling a onesie soaked in diarrhea over your baby’s head is probably the least fun thing you could ever do. Getting them to hold still (or if they’re young enough, sit up without breaking their little baby neck) so the liquid-crap doesn’t get in their hair, mouth, and all over you is NOT an easy manuevre to accomplish.
Allow me to give you a visual:

Appetizing isn’t it?? See the onesie covered in the good-stuff there in the background?
It took two people to get that thing off of him without giving him a poo-helmet. And the onesie STICKS to them.. like when you wear a t-shirt in the pool and get that suction effect.. it’s exactly like that.
I have not had that happen since I put the BAN on onesies in my house. Any time he’s had a blowout since then, it’s luckily at most seeped down his leg- which is still disgusting but not as devestating as wearing a poop-filled sack, AKA, a onesie.
The onesie just seems to spread the doo around within itself because they are a tad snug fitting (or maybe because my baby was pretty fat).

It’s not just the poop that bothers me.. it’s all those damn snaps.

When Holden was younger, I got it into my head that the full-bodied rompers were OH EM GEE, CUTEST THINGS EVER!!!!! and he had probably 10 of them.

You can call me a glutton for punishment, because that’s exactly what those were. They made diaper changing a MUCH longer process than normal. Damn those snaps! I was constantly snapping them up wrong- putting his crotch where his ankle should be.. or getting them all the way snapped up and realizing I was JUST one off. Trust me, after the 50th time.. it becomes the bane of your existence.
And just to further the obnoxiousness, Holden had incredibly chunky legs.. so instead of looking like regular pants, they ended up looking like leggings. Great, my kid is David Bowie (and not the COOL David Bowie like in Labrynth).

I have just found that t-shirts are a breath of fresh air. I’m all for working smarter and not harder, and pulling on a t-shirt instead of going through the pains of pulling and snapping and unsnapping is no longer for me.

That, and putting a 1 year old boy in a bodysuit just seems wrong to me. I don’t want him hosting ‘Sweating to the Oldies’ when he grows up.

Posted on October 17, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 3 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • I am laughing SO hard reading this because I know exactly what you mean! Great blog!

  • I do wish that there were more options in clothing for a one year old. Thankfully though, we don’t have a one-year-old-sized baby. We have a 2T!!!!!!! Chunky butt. So, we get a little more leeway when it comes to clothing options.

    Shirts and pants all the way. Onsies are for infants, not toddlers.

  • I literally cracked up reading this! Its all SO true! How many times have i tried to get a poo filled onsie over my daughter’s head without getting poo all over her hair? YUCK!
    Again another awesome blog! Keep it up!