Mom Jeans: WHY?!

After much deliberation (and a lot of depression.. and an episode of Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style) I have come to terms with the fact that I will never fit back into my size 2 jeans. Birthing hips just won’t allow it.

My quest for jeans that fit since that determination has sadly come up short. Shopping in the juniors section as a 24 year old mother just feels weird to me… and all of the jeans come with embellished pockets, torn up legs and all kinds of other crazy crap that i’d never be caught dead in.
The brand of jeans I used to wear just isn’t going to cut it anymore. If I find a pair that fit my hips, they are FAR too loose in the leg area and too long in the crotch giving me the appearance that I have poop in my pants, and that’s not exactly the look i’m going for.

So off I ventured to the ‘grown up’ section of the store, or as they like to call it ‘misses.’
I don’t have the money, and can’t IMAGINE spending 70 dollars on a pair of cute designer jeans (no matter how great they make my ass look), so what am I left with?
The dreaded MOM JEANS.
You know what i’m talking about.. high-waisted, long-assed, ankle biting, tummy pooch creating unflattering jeans that your mom used to wear with white ankle socks and dirty tennis shoes. The kind you would never be caught dead in, not even for a Halloween costume because they literally make your body look that terrible.

I honestly can’t believe these still exist, or that ANYONE would still wear them… but if you go to Wal-Mart you will see hoardes of women in all of their Mom-Jeans wearing glory, parading around without a care in the world.
Mom-Jeans to me are a sign of giving up. They are what you wear when you no longer care about what you look like (or comfort for that matter, I can’t imagine the intense cameltoe those things cause), or how many people are staring at you and giggling at how ridiculously unattractive your body looks.
They’re what you wear when you get to your mid 30’s and suddenly believe that.. well.. you’re just never going to look like how you did in your 20’s, a mom is all you are.. so SCREW IT.
It’s not true ladies!! There ARE jeans out there to fit your post-baby body.
I would rather wear a pair of jeans that gave me the WORST muffin-top you’ve ever seen than resort to wearing Mom-Jeans. Even THINKING about how long and flat my ass would look in a pair of those hideous monstrosities makes me squirm.

I have sworn to myself that I will NEVER give up style just because i’m feeling discouraged that my body is different after having a baby and slip into a pair of cringe-inducing Mom-Jeans. I will never LOOK like a ‘mom’, even though I am one.
I will strive to look like a MILF, even when Holden is old enough to be embarrassed by how young I look and the fact that all his friends think i’m hot (ohhh I hope to still be attractive when he’s that old).

Needless to say, I gave up my scavenger hunt in the ‘misses’ section and retreated back to juniors and bought the least offensive pair I could find.

And they make my ass look great.

Posted on October 18, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden


1 Comment

  • Dude. These are actually making a comeback. An allegedly fashionable comeback, which is terrifying. Who knew the worst parts of 80s fashion would come back in 2012?