Halloween has always been by FAR my favorite “holiday.”
Haunted houses, dressing up as anything I wanted, scary movie marathons, and of course.. candy.
Unfortunately since becoming a mom, I haven’t been able to enjoy Halloween as much as I used to- can’t take a baby to a haunted house! That’s just a recipe for disaster.
Although.. it does mean I get to dress my kid up as whatever I want since he doesn’t really care what I put him in at this point.. and call me a mean mommy- but I like to choose funny and/or embarrassing costumes.
Take Holden’s 1st Halloween for instance..
A wiener!!! Try and tell me that’s not awesome. He can hate me for it later. It worked out in more ways than one though.. not only was it hilarious, but warm and snuggly and he fell right to sleep as soon as we stuck him in it.
This year, I chose the most fitting costume I could find for him.
That’s right.. the devil. Why? DUH, he’s a little hellion. It’s better than dressing him up as a walking penis for Halloween and telling people, “oh, yeah.. he’s a dick.”
Somehow I don’t think many people would find the humor in that. Add the fact that there would be horrified looks from all the other little children trick-or-treating and the inevitable attacks from other parents.. so yeah, the devil was the best way to go.
The best kinds of costumes to buy are the kinds you can embarrass them with later in life… like when he brings his first date home.
That, naked baby pictures, and the picture of him as a newborn wearing my bra- that one’s going to be amazingly humiliating too.
As dumb as it may sound, I have really missed trick-or-treating.. so having a child allows me to live vicariously through him. Dress him up, take him out.. show him off of course.. and then reap all the rewards. Obviously Holden isn’t old enough to eat the 4 pounds of candy we acquired over the course of the night (my nieces and nephews.. they just wouldn’t quit! I have a blister to prove it), so it aaaaalll goes to me. Well.. me and Thomas.
Junk food heaven all over again! There goes my diet.
Oh well, you only live once, right? And it won’t be long before he’s hiding his candy from his lard-ass candy thieving mommy.
So, now, off I go to chow down on his loot and have a few drinks and watch Ghost Hunters live.
I’m seriously curious.. why can’t Halloween be every day??
You wouldn't sniff a stranger's butt to see who pooped their pants.... so you probably shouldn't do these other parental things to strangers, either. holdinholden.com/2017/12/weir…
Weird Things you do for your kids but not Strangers goo.gl/fb/oVuwvG
Tis the season! pic.twitter.com/5VgMLnt22E
I am weak pic.twitter.com/LYdRQ6EZcC
You know that feeling when you don't chew a chip all the way and it cuts you all the way down and you swear it's gonna kill you, but you go ahead have another right after? That's what it's like when you decide to have another kid.