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Don’t call my baby fat!

I’ll be the first to admit that Holden was a fat baby. He looked like a stuffed sausage. Michelin Man arms, rolls as far as the eye could see, and no neck. And man boobs, did I mention man boobs?

I am allowed to call my baby fat Just like i’m allowed to call him a turd and a brat… but when other people called him fat I got highly offended. It’s like when you’re complaining about your mom, and the person you’re talking to says “yeah, your mom is crazy”- you immediately go on the defensive. That’s someone you love they’re talking about.

I can not count the number of times I heard “oh he’s so big!”, or women gasping when I told them his age because they just couldn’t believe he wasn’t older because of his size.

There are a few comments that make my blood absolutely boil:
“He’s gonna be a linebacker when he grows up!”– seriously? just because he’s fat now, doesn’t mean he’s going to grow up and smash people for a living. The saying about babies losing a lot of their chub once they become mobile is completely true- Holden has a neck now and a lot less rolls.
“He sure doesn’t miss a meal does he??” – no.. he doesn’t, because that would be child neglect now wouldn’t it? Moron.

Old people are some of the worst offenders. They’ve lost all sense of what’s okay to say to complete strangers, the part of their brain that tells them when things are inappropriate doesn’t work anymore.
My least favorite old-fogie comment?
“What is your mommy feeding you?”– I’m feeding him ho-hos, candy bars and donuts, duh! Isn’t that what babies are SUPPOSED to eat???

Seriously, I knew Holden was chubby.. I was and am the one lugging his fat ass around- but did I do anything to help him get fatter? No. That’s just the way he was. And personally, I found it pretty adorable. I’d rather have a fat baby (and I don’t mean the ridiculously morbid obese kind of fat baby that you see on Maury Povich) than a baby that gets classified as “failure to thrive.”

My Dad (who can now be considered a senior citizen at the ripe old age of 60.. or is it 61? either way) came over to visit last week and lets this one roll:
“He’s really growing into his head”– Say WHAT? He called my kid a fat head! The honest truth of it is, while Holden’s body was in the 100th percentile.. his head was in the 75th.. so technically his head was growing into his body. I knew what my Dad meant though: Holden isn’t as fat as he used to be. He just decided to use a backhanded compliment to convey his opinion.
The Grandparent comments/advice i’ll save for another post… because I could go ON AND ON about that ridiculousness.

I swear though, if ONE more person tells me they have ‘decided’ that Holden will grow up and play football because of his size, I might seriously snap and cut them.

Posted on October 19, 2008 by Holdin' Holden 3 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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3 Comments

  • I believe it would be better to leave the insane comments of people of all types to another post. There are just too many, and this topic is about fat babies. Good call.

    I don’t know what happened. One day, Holden was skinny as a rail, when he was born. The next, I had to prop him up on my hip with a 2×4 because I alone could not bear the weight of him. It was craziness. I am pretty surprised that he doesn’t have baby stretch marks because of the rapid growing he did. Gladly, he seemed to have slowed to staying in clothes at least a month – month and a half now.

  • The one I heard the most about one month old Jack was; “He’s so big, are you sure he’s not six months old?”. I was always thinking “of course I’m fucking sure!”.

  • “He sure doesn’t miss a meal does he??” and “What is your mommy feeding you?”

    Those made me LOL! Some people just don’t think about what they’re saying!