Sometimes I get the irrational fear that Holden is an evil baby. I don’t mean the “oh he’s so evil, he tears things off of my coffee table” type of evil.. but the straight out of a horror movie “I see dead people” type of evil.
I have had the tendency to freak myself out on multiple occasions… hell, i’m even scared of the dark- so I know my craziness is just simply that- craziness, but sometimes I can’t help but to take a step back and say “ok, Holden is totally freaking me out right now.”
It all started when he was a teeny-tiny baby and he did things that most people would consider normal, or cute newborn baby things- such as rolling his eyes back in his head, or creepily laughing in his sleep.
As he started getting more aware of his surroundings, i’d hear him wake up in his crib and start ‘talking’ as if there was someone in the room with him, or stare at blank space while I was changing him and jibber-jabber away.
One morning, Holden was in bed with me and his monitor was accidentally left on. Out of nowhere, I hear a woman’s voice say “hello?” very clearly through the monitor. My eyes popped open and I heard it again. I flew out of bed and switched the monitor back off and immediately jumped back into bed and snuggled up next to Holden. That’s enough to freak ANYONE out. Could his monitor have been picking up a phone frequency? Maybe.. but it had never happened before in all the months we’d been using the monitor, so my mind ran with it and ended up freaking me out for days. I make sure the monitor is off once he’s out of his crib now, that’s for sure.
That was only the beginning though.
He has a toy phone that says the number he’s pressing outloud. Numerous times he’s been playing with it and from across the room I hear him pressing “666” over and over again. Great, so I gave birth to the spawn of Satan! I don’t want to say anything negative about Thomas’ family.. but.. his mom considers herself a wiccan and told me upon first meeting me that my house is “spiritually clean”, i’m placing the blame there!
Then there’s the fact that Holden loves to change the channel on the TV to static channels.. immediately reminding me of the movie “Poltergeist.”
One night, I swear i’ll wake up to him with his hands on the TV (turned to a static channel) and he’ll look at me and say “they’re heeeeeeeeere”
If that day ever comes, i’ll be shitting my pants- you can count on that.
Last (but certainly not least), there have been many mornings where Holden comes into bed with me early to go back to sleep (because I am NOT getting up at 6am).. and i’ve dozed off only to wake to him staring at me. Blank faced.. just staring…
Normally, with Holden, if he wakes up before me he’ll lick my face, pull my hair or start climbing the walls. STARING AT ME? totally freaky. Don’t deny it, you’d be freaked out too.
It doesn’t help that 95% of scary movies these days involve some kind of posessed evil demon child.
Name me 5 movies that don’t include one of those that has come out in the past few years.
Then you have creeping meowing Asian kid from ‘The Grudge’, who will pull you into the bathtub and drown your dumb ass (what’s with the Japanese movies and trying to freak you out with children? not cool.)
Who can forget Damian, Mommy-killer extraodinaire, son of Satan.. etc etc from ‘The Omen’?
(and I will never understand why people would name their child Damian knowing where the name came from, c’mon people, glutton for punishment much??)
Or creepy dead-twin girl from “Silent Hill”? You might argue she wasn’t really evil… but damn if she wasn’t scary!
I could keep listing movies and posting pictures for days.. but I think i’ve given myself enough fuel for nightmares tonight so I will stop while my underwear is pee-free.
I don’t know why children are so creepy in movies.. but they are, and they’ve caused me to occasionally get freaked out by my own crotch-fruit, so I am not a fan. Not a fan at all.
Just another example of how I am a huge puss… but i’ve always been one when it comes to scary movies and creepy kiddies. I’ve just never had one of my own to use as a reference.
Here’s to hoping Holden doesn’t grow older and one day tell me, “Mommy, I see dead people”.. sacrifice me to Satan… Or just take an axe to my head.
ETA: Scary movies have also made me glad that I had a boy instead of a girl.. because seriously, I can’t handle dolls. They literally scare me to death. Don’t ever watch ‘Demonic Toys’ or ‘Puppetmaster’, just save yourself the horror.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times