As much as I educated myself on parenthood before becoming a mother.. there are so many things I did NOT know that made me feel like a total moron. Here is a list:
1. When you have a boy and get him circumsized, you have to pull back the ‘excess skin’ or the circumcision will REATTACH.
ugh. Learned that the hard way. Poor baby.
2. Baby poop is inhuman, defies gravity…And smells like rotting corpses.
3. Not all babies can handle any kind of formula you give them.
Mine went through 5.
4. Huggies suck ass. Don’t let the high price fool you into thinking that they’re quality diapers. They aren’t.. unless your baby is built like a brick (reverse of the commercial). Luvs are cheap, and only work if your baby isn’t fat.
My baby was a fat baby
5. Mylicon drops… they don’t work.
that one hit me from left field. I didn’t know babies could have acid reflux, and I certainly didn’t know it would make my life a living hell for the first few months of Holden’s life.
7. Advice from other people.. namely older people.. SUCKS.
Brandy on the gums? ‘oh it’s just a gas bubble’ etc etc, SHUT UP. not all babies are the same, and sadly my family assumes they are.
8. Sleep is a thing of the past.
I knew the first few months would be rough.. I didn’t think that once they got a NORMAL sleeping pattern teething would kick in and ruin my sleep all over again. Awesome realization, that one.
9. Baby proofing.. not always baby-proof.
No matter how many things I hide, cover, put up.. put away.. Holden always manages to pull something down on his head, fall and smack his face, eat things off the floor that I didn’t even SEE.. get stuck under the table…
10. Pediatricians… they’re not always right.
This was the most important lesson I learned. Thomas and I picked a name off of a list while in the hospital.. and MAN was that a bad decision. This doctor did not agree with how I was choosing to raise Holden in the slightest.. put him on a formula that landed him in the emergency room, didn’t take my concerns or his reflux seriously.. tried to tell me to ‘stop holding Holden so much’.. She almost sent me into a blind rage.
if you are not comfortable with what your pediatrician says, CHANGE PEDIATRICIANS. It is SO important to find someone who you agree with, who has similar views on how to raise children (namely yours), who you trust and are confident in their decisions.
A bad pediatrician will make your life hell, and as a result- your baby’s life hell.
I could probably go on listing things for days. I’ll spare you, because i’m fresh out of wit for the evening.
Dear people writing articles on ways to get siblings to get along, I'll save you the time. The answer is "Don't let them play together"
Please stop Complimenting my kids’ “Good” Behavior goo.gl/fb/rwfojS
Hard pass from me pic.twitter.com/VayvW1eopK
I've gotten to the point where I'd let my kids summon a demon with a Ouija board before I'd let them play Monopoly together again.
Parenthood is when you start counting the minutes to bed time before 11am.