The magic of one little boy and the Disney Princesses

If I were to say that I wasn’t disappointed when the ultrasound tech told me my little uterine nugget had a penis during the gender ultrasound of my second pregnancy- I’d be lying. All I’d ever wanted was ONE little girl, and now I was going to have two boys. What was I going to do with two boys?? Dress them up as girls to fill a void that otherwise may remain empty forever?
As crushed as I was, once Parker was born, I never once thought “I wish he was a girl!” It never even crossed my mind. All of the disappointment I’d felt during the gender ultrasound faded away and actually seemed pretty silly to me. But that void… that void was still there. I thought it always would be. It wasn’t something that actively bothered me; only when shopping for clothes and dealing with a crappy selection when the girls department was overflowing with adorable frilly stuff. Boys get the shaft! If I can’t have a shopping-loving girl, I can at least still love shopping, right? Apparently not. I don’t like sports, I hate getting dirty, I’m a big fat baby when it comes to bugs- what was I going to do with two boys?

I never wanted to pressure my kids to dislike sports just so I’d never have to sit in a field for hours on a buttsweat hot afternoon watching people run back and forth or whatever it is they do- so I let it ride. I’d sit back and let them decide, without my influence, what they truly enjoyed and wanted to do.

Both boys love cars and dinosaurs and bugs and sharks. They are obsessed with scary shows and BEG to watch movies that would give them nightmares for years to come (I never give in to those pleas). They both love having long hair but hate when I brush it. That’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Maybe it’s because he’s home with me all day. Maybe it’s because he wants SOMETHING for himself that he doesn’t have to share with his big brother- but while Holden moans and groans about all things girly (including girls), Parker will ask me to paint one of his nails and show it off proudly. It’s paint. It’s colorful. I can see why any little kid regardless of gender would be interested, especially a little kid who hasn’t been around other little kids that might be saying “that’s for girls!” He does whatever the hell he wants, and doesn’t care about labels or stereotypes or if he’s playing with something that is bright pink. He likes jewelry and will stop to look at it in a store. He has decent taste, too. I may not have a girl, but I’m not totally left out. Or so I thought.

When we arrived at Disney World for the first time, Parker was 1 1/2 and Holden was 3 1/3. They were obsessed with the movie “Cars” and pretty much anything Pixar, so they were pretty thrilled. I, however…. not so much. The void returned. Disney is MADE for girls with dreams of being princesses. Neither of my boys had ever dreamed of princesses. I don’t think they’d even seen a princess movie at that point. They might not even have known what a princess was. All of the moments and magic geared toward girls seemed like magic I’d never get to witness. Do I think any of this means anything? Um. no. I think he’s a curious kid exploring all things life has to offer. The void ached. If only I’d had a girl, it could have been different.

Not long after that trip, Tangled came on TV- and it changed everything. I’d never been really into princesses when I was little (though I did love me some Aladdin and Ariel), so when the Disney princess door swung open, it did for all of us, and on our next Disney trip, those magical moments I never thought I’d have? I had them. Without a little girl. From that moment on, Parker, who is as carefree as any child could be, who loves without thinking twice, who doesn’t care what people think about him or how long his hair is, or how he talks, or what he does, continues to teach me and the people who get to witness his magical moments along with me, including his older “ugh that’s for girls” brother, just how different the world can be if we stop setting silly limits.

I know for a fact that Parker is not the only boy who waits in line to meet the princesses at Disney, and I am not saying this because I created the little dude, but there is something different that happens when he meets them. Something that not only other parents are “aww”ing over, but the Disney photographers and princesses are, too. On our most recent trip, his giddiness to meet Cinderella spread through the park and hours later when he walked in to meet Rapunzel, the photographers knew who he was, and one was absolutely blown away. “He really loves princesses?” *pauses and watches for a while* “That is so awesome.” Yes, it is- and I want to share the magic with all of you.

084Belle: *brushes his hair aside* You look like my Beast!

He’s never going to cut it now!

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Princes, too
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He loves princesses, but.. he IS a boy…
aladdinjasmine2014-2Jasmine couldn’t quite believe it, either
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He loves Aurora… but apparently not our DOG Aurora- since he announced to the Princess that Aurora is bad because she pees and poops on the floor. Oops.
230241I literally have about 30 pictures like the two above because he would not let go of her. Sorry people in line behind us!

“Watch out for this one, he’s princess crazy!”

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Even sour-puss “I don’t want to meet the princesses” Holden can’t resist Rapunzel

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They had a good long chat about hair products
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Parker (to Rapunzel): You have LONG hair!
Rapunzel: Your hair is getting pretty long, too! Do you ever get tangles?
Parker: No, I have tangle spray
Rapunzel: TANGLE SPRAY?? You have spray that takes out tangles? I’ve never heard of such a thing!
Parker: and it smells like strawberries! Smell it!
Rapunzel: *smells his hair* Oh it DOES smell like strawberries!
Holden: We both have long hair! *lifts his hair, then motions to Parker*
Rapunzel: Oh, does your hair smell like strawberries, too?
Holden: Well, we ARE from the same family.
*entire room breaks into hysterical laughter*
Snow White: Do you think that would work on dwarf beards?

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There was one moment, though, that was more magical than all of this. I smile so hard my face hurts watching him woo the princesses, but this actually made me tear up. My little guy, lover of princesses, was chosen to be Beast in “Enchanted tales with Belle” (a newer attraction). I have never seen him so happy as she pulled him in front of everyone and they danced together.

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Couldn’t you just die?

My little boy loves colorful nail polish, sparkly jewelry, long hair, and princesses. Do I think there is anything “wrong” with this? In one word: No. I think it’s amazing, and I think we could all stand to be a little more open to the world like Parker is. Think of all the things you might be missing out on because of a silly label. Someone out there is smiling and watching and teaching me and anyone who reads this that you don’t have to be a girl to like “girly” things. Things aren’t really “girly” anyway. Love what you love. Life is too short to care what someone else thinks.

That void I’ve had for years? It’s pretty damn full right now.

 

 

My BIGGEST Disney World trip tip- Rent from Orlando Stroller Rentals!

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If you have ever been to an amusement park, you have likely seen a cornucopia of different kinds of strollers in the stroller parking areas, or as I like to call them, “stroller city”. Strollers as far as the eye can see!

If you have ever been to an amusement park, you can probably pick out which ones are strollerrentals from the park itself because they stick out like a sore thumb. Big. Clunky. Plastic. Uncomfortable looking. After hours in the hot sun, you can imagine those things would become horribly uncomfortable, and with crowds to push through- horribly irritating. I didn’t want to have to go through that on our first Disney trip 3 years ago, but couldn’t really afford to plunk down a small fortune on a double stroller.

That was when I started to research. What options did I have other than this heinous thing? I mean, if it’s going to cost me all kinds of money PER DAY to rent, it should at least be breathable, should it not? Plastic on a hot day sounds like straight up torture.

After many websites and a LOT of recommendations, I decided on the one that everyone raved about- Orlando Stroller Rentals- and it’s been a match made in heaven ever since!

I honestly cannot imagine a Disney trip without them. Not only are their strollers awesome, high quality, and easy to handle- but unlike those clunky plastic ones, you don’t have to leave them at the front of the park when the day is over. You can stroll your sleeping nugget straight to the tram, bus, helicopter, hovercraft, or whatever mode of transportation you are using, and with a quick yank, collapse it, and put it right into the vehicle with you. No yanking sleeping beauty out of it and then having to carry them. Trust me. It is amazing.
If you don’t believe me- just check the look on this dude’s face:
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The one on the left- not the right! I don’t know what he’s doing. I never know what he’s doing.

Oh, and did I mention that Orlando Stroller Rentals will DELIVER your rental stroller to your Orlando resort/hotel and pick it up when you’re done?

I truly believe that the lovely folks at OSR double-stroller-dly (see what I did there??) saved our trip last year when it decided to rain the ENTIRE time with their rain cover. The kids never got wet. I, however… well, let’s just say it took a few months to recover!

As much as I enjoy trying out different restaurants and experiences each time we take the trek back to the land of the giant rat, there is one thing that will NEVER change as long as my kids are whiny enough to claim their legs are “allergic to walking”- and that is Orlando Stroller Rentals.

For a double, single, lightweight, or jogging, just let Orlando Stroller Rentals take care of it. If you’re staying for more than a few days- it’s more affordable than those cheapo thigh-burning plastic park rentals anyway! It’s a no brainer!

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Prove to your kids that your childhood was awesome with Netflix- and a GIVEAWAY!

I can’t tell you how many times “the cartoons I watched when I was little were so much better than this crap!” has come out of my mouth since having kids.
Seriously. I can’t even count how many. The number is that high. And for some reason, the kids never believe me! They are totally convinced the junk they watch is superior to some of my childhood favorites. It was time to school them. Not just on totally tubular shows from the 80′s and 90′s, but some of my favorite toys, too! It’s perfect timing since this month Netflix challenged me to introduce some old favorites of mine to my kids and see what happened. It was time for a THROWBACK!

My favorite toy growing up was my Easy Bake Oven. I spent every afternoon making cakes and brownies, and cursing because I could NEVER get the fudge right, and then getting sent to my room. This past Christmas, I… I mean SANTA, got Parker an Easy Bake Oven and guess who is totally eating his words (pun TOTALLY intended)??

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He LOVES it!

These were supposed to be “truffles”…

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But they were more like CAKE balls. They were still delicious and a lot of fun (read: messy as all get out!)- so that counts as a WIN for the throwback challenge!

Now that I had them all good and warmed up with my ultimate rightness, it was time to take on the TV. Shows from my childhood are not exactly easy to come by if I want to put them on my TV and not take over my beloved computer.

It’s safe to say that I am the clear victor in this Netflix Throwback Challenge, because GBevery day Parker and Holden request to pop on the Roku Netflix was kind enough to send me, flip it to Netflix, and to watch super cheesy episodes of Goosebumps that used to scare the pee out of me growing up. I think they have now seen every single episode twice. Up next, Jem and the Holograms and old-school Smurfs!

Have a Throwback day with your kid/s! Who knows, maybe it will get you out of watching endless hours of Spongeturd!
Here are some lists of what’s playing on Netflix to get your walk through memory-land started!

For the Big Kids:

And for the Littles:

Don’t have Netflix? Well, this might just be your lucky day, because I am giving away a 3 month subscription! Enter to win by using the Rafflecopter widget below- and as always, there are MANY ways to earn extra entries!*

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This is a quick giveaway, so enter now! The entry period ends at 8:30pm EST on Friday 4/18! Good luck!!

You’re the DD. I’m supposed to be drunk, not you!- A guest blog by Mommys Nightmare

Here is a guest post about why we moms should be happy that we are boring and sit at home and do nothing on the weekend nights. I don’t know if that was Tiana’s point when she wrote this, but that is what I took away from it!

By: Tiana A.K.A Mommys Nightmare- check her out on Facebook and on her blog!

Back sometime around 2007 or 2008 my best friend and I were invited to a party that one of her co-workers friends was having. I wasn’t allowed to drive at the time so my friend, we shall call her Danielle, said I could drink and she would be the driver. She picked me up from my house and was supposed to drop me off at the end of the night. If only it happened that way!!

Danielle had a crush on the guy she worked with, who’s party it was, even though she was married. I knew once she got any alcohol in her it would be a problem. Oh boy was it! The night started out normal. We were taking shots, enjoying the keg, mingling, and whatnot. I had myself a total of 4 or 5 drinks and switched to water for the rest of the night. Danielle went way beyond that! Within an hour of being at this party Danielle kept repeating this guys name. I can’t remember his name but every time she had a second to speak she was blurting out “so-and-so you are so cute!” or following him around the house trying to talk to him.

There was this pillar between the living room and the kitchen, not sure why because it was kind of a stupid place to have a random pillar. Anyways, for 10 straight minutes Danielle would pop her head out from one side and say this guys name, then swing to the other side and say his name. Like I said, this went on for 10 minutes! Everyone at the party was thinking she had lost her damn mind! I know I was and I had known her for 10 years before this party! Then Danielle gets the bright idea to try her hand at poker. I just let her go for it. There is no stopping this woman when there is alcohol in her system! She played 3 hands of poker and lost every single cent in her pocket. So then she tried to talk the guys into letting her play to win her money back. That was not happening at all! By this point Danielle is going from the happy “I love you” girl she is when she drinks to sad and depressed.

We end up on the front porch talking to some other people that she knew and she started talking about her husband. So, we end up talking about relationships and she mentions that she found out just before her wedding her husband kissed one of his co-workers. She starts going off, threatening to call him at 1 in the morning and bitch him out even though they had been married for over a year at this point. Everyone is trying to talk her off the proverbial ledge and keep her from calling her husband.

I finally decide it is time to go home around 3am. I am sober as hell by this point so I tell her to give me the keys and I am driving. If we get pulled over I will just point at her and tell the cops that she is why I am driving without a license. I had to help her walk down the steps of the porch and I keep telling her “Whatever you do, do NOT sit down because you are not going to get back up!” Unfortunately I had to run inside and get her purse. So what does Danielle do? She sits her freaking ass down on the sidewalk! I couldn’t get her to stand up no matter how hard I pulled her. This caused me to have to go into the party and find two of the biggest dudes I could to get my friend off her ass and in the car. As the guys are lifting her off the ground I run to the car and get her door open. The three of us, me and the two dudes, are coaching Danielle on how to get in the car. We told her to turn around, put her butt down first, get her head in, and then pull her feet in. So she does what we tell her to. She dives in the car head first. Really. Head first. Another few minutes to get her sitting upright and we were on our way!

This party was in butt fucked Egypt compared to where we lived. It was a 40 minute drive to get to the party. It was February. It was cold. Danielle is drunk and burning up. So we had the a/c on, the windows down (all the freaking way!) and the radio as loud as I could handle it; per Danielle’s request so she could stay awake in case we got pulled over. Danielle had this look on her face that I can’t even find the words to describe, she had her chin in her chest, and she is just staring out the front window like we are driving warp speed on the USS Enterprise. Every so often she would break the silence with “You’re my best friend, you know that right?” or “I love you. You are like a sister to me.” Or my personal favorite where she would actually snap out of it and shoot up straight at a board “Oh my god. He knows. My husband knows. I called that guy cute. My husband knows. He’s going to leave me.” Then zone out like it never happened.

That went on for 20 minutes until we saw a police check point on the OTHER side of the road and she loses her shit again! So I have to convince her that they aren’t going to stop us because they are stopping people going the other way and we are still 200 feet away from them. THEN she decides she has to pee but refuses to use the gas station restroom because they are going to know she is drunk…. NO SHIT WOMAN JUST LOOK AT YOU!! So I had to TURN AROUND and drive BACK to the party we just left so Danielle could taking a freaking piss!!

We get back to the party, I help her walk to the bathroom, I close the door, and I just stand there outside the bathroom door in case she fell and busted her damn head open. Out of nowhere, and louder than the music and 30 drunken rowdy people, I hear Danielle in the bathroom… singing… “I’m peeing. Oh yeah! Gotta pee.. whoo I’m peeing! Gotta pee, need to pee.. I’m pppeeeeeeeiiiiiinnnngggggg!!!!”

Fast forward 40 minutes, 50 “I love yous”, 80 “omg he knows!”, and 1,000,000,000,000 “you’re my best friends” I finally get Danielle to her complex. I also had to call my dad at 4am and ask him to give me a ride home. Thank God he lived 5 minutes from Danielle! While I waited for my dad I made sure Danielle got into her apartment safely but got a few giggles in for myself first. It took her 3 minutes to walk up 10 steps. I was of course behind her in case she fell, but it took her forever! Then came the joy of watching her try to unlock her door. She couldn’t even get the key in the hole! I finally had to take her key and open her door for her! The night would have been nice to end for me there but my dad had to drop me off at the start of my street because it was blocked off by cops and an ambulance so I had to walk past whatever happened! I get up to the blockage and there is a dude lying across the side walk, holding his bloody side, screaming “The bitch stabbed me! She fucking stabbed me!!” Thanks Danielle.. Love you too!

I go over to her place the next day to check on her and she remembers NOTHING! Absolutely nothing! Her husband walks in and asks how my portion of the night was with her before filling me in on what happened after she got inside. OMG! It was glorious to hear! It apparently took Danielle 10 minutes to get to bed because she kept unlocking and locking the front door because she couldn’t remember if it was locked or not, she left a trail of clothing from the front door to the bedroom, trying to sit on the bed she fell off about 5 times, missed the toilet on the “omg” bathroom run, fell out of bed trying to lay down in bed, and all her husband could hear after she laid down was the continuous gurgle of her stomach while she moaned and groaned that she was going to die. To make it even better I got the joy of reminding her of EVERYTHING that happened at the party J Needless to say I never saw her drink that much ever again and we went out every other Friday. That is a party I am never going to forget! I had to babysit my designated drive and stay sober because she decided to drink until she couldn’t function.

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Fellow Moms, next time you feel sad that the trash goes out more than you do- remember this story, and enjoy your comfy spot on the couch!

Horribly Hysterical Inappropriate Artwork by Kids

More times than I can count, Holden has brought home work from school that made me do a double take.

Is that…. That can’t be…. is it??

I often find myself reduced to a snorting puddle on the floor because the drawing, to my twisted adult brain, is SO accidentally inappropriate that I can’t help but to literally ROFL. That was when I had the idea to put together this blog- FULL of the best of the worst of the BEST and most inappropriate artwork by kids, submitted by you readers out there!

Sit back and have a laugh with me! Oh… and put your drink down. Rainbows are only pretty in the sky, and not on computer screens! Y’all are so damn funny that on most of them, I didn’t even have to add my own caption- you all nailed it!
Our first drawing was submitted by Jodi Cliffe. “My 6 yr old son came home from school with this. I wasn’t sure if it was a man with moobs or a penis man. When I asked him he told me it was his dad (my ex). I’ve decided penis man it is!!!”
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Next up, a photo submitted by Kimberly Galvin. “My son brought this home from school last week. Not gonna lie, it now sits on our fridge……and I smile every time I see it.”
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This one is from Shauna Whiseant who says “This is a picture my 5 year old drew of him and his daddy. My husband said it made him feel like a real dick!”
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Up next, a submission from Alicia Sharp! She says “He had to draw the object for the word band and drew a foot pedal and guitar that look like well use your imagination !!!” Well… I suppose of the skin flute is considered a real instrument, this might be spot on!
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Jessica Dankmeyer sent in one from Valentines Day. I don’t know that this is the kind of Valentine anyone would hope for! Jessica says “This was one of the Valentines my son got this year. He’s 6. I’m sure the kid was going for something other than shit…what I don’t know. In any case, I laughed for hours.”
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Samantha Greenwalt should sleep with one eye open!  “It’s supposed to say ‘Dear mom & dad’ she said she got distracted in class or so she says”
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This one was sent in by Courtney Knote-
drawingblog8“My favorite thing to do on my snow day was macing a snow man because it has three balls!”
Well, CLEARLY that snowman had it coming, that three balled weirdo.

From Megan Brennan, “D is for dic… I mean dinosaur!!! My mighty Quinn drew up this beauty- gotta love 6 year olds!”
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From Bythia Farside: “a card my daughter made for her pop-pop for father’s day. it’s supposed to be a cake with candles”
Maybe the bakery accidentally sent a bachelorette cake?? Snort!
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Check out this one from Natasha Martin! This “was drawn by my 5 yr old daughter Samantha while staying at her granny’s house. Fantastic. Her granny folded it up nicely, and showed it to me when I arrived to pick her up. Granny said she thought it was best to let her dad and I decide how to handle the situation. When he got home that evening we all day down to discuss her artwork.
I said come here let’s talk and I showed her the picture and asked her what it was and she said ‘a picture I drew myself’ and I said but what is it and she said ‘a ballerina’ and I pointed at THAT and said no I mean this what is this and she looked at me like I was crazy and said ‘her leg’ and I said ok but what is THIS and she said ‘A BALLET SHOE’ like I was an idiot…. And I sort of felt like one…. I am pretty sure he father who had been sitting next to us silently nearly passed out from relief.”
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Jami Maske submitted this drawing
drawingblog12Was this HO-TEL in the red light district??

This one from Pam Bauckman really hits home for me, because my first name is Virginia. I’ve never had this happen, though! She says- “My niece, Jackie’s daughter Riley has two middle names. Riley is seven years old and in first grade. She was practicing writing her entire name which is: Riley Madisyn Virginia. This is the result of ‘sounding’ out her middle names.”

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And one last one, just as a bonus, sent in by Katlyn Pettie, because it made me hard-snort!

“…this isn’t technically something my daughter drew herself but it’s still pretty hilarious! I just found out the sex of my second child yesterday and thought: what better way to share the news! My daughter, Marley didn’t think it was so awesome and I ended up with these instead of those cutesy, extremely artsy ‘normal’ gender reveals lol. P.s what makes it even more funny is Marley has been very…opinionated about NOT wanting a little sister…oops sorry kid!”
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Thank you all SO much for sending all of these in- whether it was used above or not- I loved seeing and giggling at all of them!

If your kid ever draws anything horribly, hysterically inappropriate in the future- you know where to send it!